The Existence of You
by Sunfreak
Summary: Sesshoumaru is sulking about the Tetsusaiga again, but when he seeks out Inu-Yasha’s group, he gets a heck of a lot more than he’s bargained for. . . namely, Miroku. Yaoi; complete.
1. You're Cute When You're Homicidal

A/N: Yay, prologue! ^ ^ Inspired by Katalyst's oh-so kick-ass "Silent Laughter" fic and her acceptance of my marriage proposal if I wrote her a Sesshoumaru/Miroku.  
  
. . . Well, okay, also inspired by the fact that Fluffy and the monk are just too pretty to be completely straight, and dammit, I want Miroku to finally GET some!  
  
Also, I promise I'll have character development and heavy stuff later, but that's not what prologues are for.  
  
  
  
"You're Cute When You're Homicidal"  
  
  
  
Yes, Miroku decided finally with a rather sour air, Sesshoumaru was a bitch. Bitch bitch bitch. As per the usual Sesshoumaru encounter, he'd shown up out of the blue and started throwing his one-armed weight around, demanding all sorts of silly things like the Tetsusaiga and respect- neither of which he was likely to get at this rate.  
  
But that was rather beside the point, and between the group's combined efforts, he really would've thought they'd have sent the damned youkai running much sooner. Unfortunately, they HAD been caught by surprise, which had resulted in both Kirara and Sango somewhat unwillingly entering a state of unconsciousness, along with Shippou quickly after.  
  
A well-placed shot from Kagome's bow had spared the trio's lives, but that certainly hadn't ended the trouble, and somehow during their messy retreat, Miroku had been separated from the girl, Inu-Yasha and the inert companions they carried- a fact he was sure to be yelled at for later.  
  
Assuming that he lived, of course.  
  
But knowing Inu-Yasha, the hanyou would probably spit on his grave anyway, just to spite somebody. Not Miroku himself, of course- the monk had spat on the graves of several people he'd loved dearly in his own time.  
  
Speaking of graves, he was going to have to think of a decent spot to have Kaede put his one of these days. Or maybe it would be better just to burn his remains- just in case that hellhole of his got any funny ideas after he was dead.  
  
At this time, as often happens when people are not paying attention, an unpleasant situation arose with neither Miroku's knowledge nor his consent. Not that anyone would consent to an unpleasant situation anyway. But again, that is somewhat beside the point.  
  
There was the briefest flash of robes and a sudden, almost suffocating weight struck him head-on. The monk inwardly cursed as he recognized the beautiful creature pinning him to the ground.  
  
Sesshoumaru had found him, and he was not looking overly friendly, nor was he half so docile as was typical. His eyes were wide open and glaring, cruel claws practically begging to release the acidic poison inside of them and his delicate lips curled in a fanged snarl. Miroku sincerely hoped that he was not personally acquainted with the owner of the blood staining said lips.  
  
He would've liked to say something brave just then; something defiant and soul stirring that would've at least made sure that the bastard remembered him. However, as is common in situations of great pain and/or fear, the monk found himself suddenly blurting out a completely illogical but utterly true phrase:  
  
"You know, you're cute when you're homicidal."  
  
Sesshoumaru stared at him for a long moment, his claws scant hairs-breadths from the monk's throat. Neither spoke for a long time, until, finally, Sesshoumaru asked, "Come with me?" in a very odd tone.  
  
Oh, what the hell.  
  
  
  
* ende prologue * 


	2. BabySitting For the Devil

A/N: This installment wasn't planned, but I sort of got struck by a brief bout of inspiration, so here there be subplots.  
  
  
  
"Baby-Sitting For the Demon"  
  
  
  
Miroku couldn't breathe.  
  
Well, technically he could, but for some reason his lungs weren't too eager to comply with his brain's good intentions. This probably had something to do with being cradled almost protectively against the side of a rather attractive youkai as they flew off gods-knew-where, leaving Miroku's companions to wonder what had become of him.  
  
If they were still alive, that is.  
  
The monk's eyes traveled somewhat uneasily to Sesshoumaru's oh-so-lovely lips- a fact that he duly noted but refused to comment on, especially considering the blood smeared across them.  
  
That blood . . . Was it Sesshoumaru's, a brief wound from where Inu-Yasha had struck him? Or was it Inu-Yasha's own life, lost to his half-brother's poison? Or did it belong to one of the others? Until he knew, Miroku couldn't bring himself to relax in the slightest.  
  
But even if Sesshoumaru himself told him, how was he supposed to believe whatever answers the older man gave? There was no affection lost between them, after all.  
  
Sesshoumaru glanced down at him briefly, and Miroku's heart jumped into his throat.  
  
Well, at least no requited affection.  
  
Love really was blind, Miroku reflected with no small amount of bitterness. Also deaf, dumb, and very, very stupid. To love a youkai was as dangerous as loving the fire. You could never get too close, or you'd be burnt away to nothing. And even if you somehow survived the flame itself, you'd drown in the water others threw to extinguish it. Inu-Yasha's parents were certainly proof enough of that.  
  
But logic is nothing to emotion. To the heart, the insurmountable is only a footnote; the mountain is less than a molehill. Because love is pure, and love is beautiful; and, as Miroku so unhappily realized, it also has all the trappings of a severe psychological disorder.  
  
"Whose . . . blood?" Miroku asked finally, his voice raspy from long silence. His fingers ghosted over Sesshoumaru's mouth, but even being as bold as he was, he still wasn't fool enough to actually dare and touch the other without express and detailed permission- preferably signed in triplicate.  
  
"My brother's," Sesshoumaru replied disinterestedly, his eyes never leaving those of the boy pressed to his side, which were uncharacteristically meek. The demon suddenly changed course and dropped to the ground at a 90 degree- angle, his robes and hair billowing straight up.  
  
Miroku's eyes widened in alarm and he swallowed a gasp, half-panicking and throwing his arms around Sesshoumaru's neck. The youkai's own eyes bugged out in pure, unadulterated shock, and his perfect balance took a drastic turn for the worse.  
  
The two hit the ground, rolling end over end across the small clearing Sesshoumaru had been aiming for and into the mast covering the forest floor. Miroku cried out and automatically clenched his fist to his chest, afraid to have the rosary torn away. His heart nearly stopped when he realized that Sesshoumaru was curled about him in a similarly protective manner.  
  
He doesn't want you to escape, the monk told himself silently, briefly squeezing his eyes shut. That's all. He just doesn't want to lose his hostage . . .  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama!" a voice shouted, and Miroku realized that the other man had held some purpose in mind for landing here.  
  
The youkai unwrapped his tail and arm from around the monk and got to his feet, silently smoothing his robes and hair back into place. Miroku attempted to do the same, but Sesshoumaru's tail wrapped loosely around his waist. He shifted uneasily, but obeyed the silent order and stayed seated.  
  
A crackling of branches, and the one who had called out was made known. Rin dashed out from the brush, looking ecstatic. "Sesshoumaru-sama!" she cheered, glomping onto the youkai's robes. "Rin is so glad you are back!"  
  
Sesshoumaru gave her a quiet nod as Jaken stumbled into view, struggling for breath. Sesshoumaru quirked an eyebrow at him resignedly.  
  
"M'lord!" Jaken wheezed.  
  
"Still can't keep up with the girl, Jaken," Sesshoumaru observed more than asked.  
  
"M'lord, I- I- " The smaller youkai's eyes darted about frantically, as if a distraction could appear out of thin air and save him his master's annoyance. Luckily for him, one did.  
  
"Why are you here?" Rin asked Miroku in a puzzled tone, noticing him for the first time among Sesshoumaru's thick fur. The monk half-started to reply, then remembered that he didn't know either.  
  
"This one is somewhat a present for Rin," Sesshoumaru said calmly, his fingers briefly tugging at Miroku's hair and slicing through the band that held it back. "It can protect you, and it will keep up with you- unlike certain previous guardians." Jaken winced.  
  
"'Guardians?'" Miroku repeated weakly, and Sesshoumaru's fingers tightened in his hair. The youkai gave him a cool look.  
  
"Should my Rin be damaged, that will be the end of you," he informed the boy. "Understand?"  
  
"Yes," Miroku said tightly, gritting his teeth against the pain. His head was throbbing, and it only worsened when Jaken's staff suddenly lashed out and gave him a hard rap.  
  
"You'll speak to m'lord with proper respect now, monk!" he snapped.  
  
Miroku internally cursed, but put a sufficiently humble expression on his face and bowed as best he could while tangled in Sesshoumaru's tail and kneeling on the ground. "Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama," he 'corrected' himself, regretfully reflecting that it would probably be considered a breach of etiquette to kill that little bastard Jaken on his first day of indentured servitude.  
  
Sesshoumaru looked down at him with a slightly odd expression but said nothing for a long moment. Finally, he murmured: "Get him something else to wear, Jaken. Those priest's robes annoy me. And take Rin with you- she needs to be fed."  
  
"Yes, m'lord," Jaken replied unenthusiastically. "We'll be back in an hour." The youkai slunk off with the ever-cheery Rin, clearly sulking, though Sesshoumaru ignored his servant's own annoyance with superhuman ease.  
  
He turned to Miroku, expression colder than ever. "Do you understand why I want you?" he asked.  
  
Miroku tried not to reflect on the other ways that statement could be interpreted and answered quickly: "To care for Rin."  
  
Sesshoumaru nodded in silent approval and began to slowly circle Miroku's still-seated figure, almost appearing to be appraising his value. He stopped quite suddenly and, when he spoke, his voice was clipped and harsh.  
  
"You are now my possession, and as such, you will always follow my orders quickly and without question," he said simply. "If you do not, I will kill you. Do you understand?" Miroku nodded mutely, his mind again running through all the things that made this a very bad situation. "I will do as I wish with you, and you shall be punished should you resist," Sesshoumaru continued. "Do you understand?"  
  
Again, Miroku nodded, silently yearning for Inu-Yasha and the others to come find him.  
  
"Stand up," Sesshoumaru ordered, and Miroku did so without hesitation, grateful for the chance to use muscles that had long been protesting his stillness. "Come here," Sesshoumaru ordered again, his slit eyes never leaving Miroku's for an instant.  
  
Again, the monk complied without pause. Until Sesshoumaru spoke again . . .  
  
"Take off your clothes."  
  
Miroku froze. There was no way he had heard that correctly. Absolutely not a chance in HELL that he had.  
  
"You heard me, human," the youkai said calmly. "Take off your clothes. All of them."  
  
Still, Miroku couldn't even begin to move. What was this supposed to be, some kind of mental torture? Was Sesshoumaru trying to humiliate him; break his spirit?  
  
"Do not make me repeat myself again," Sesshoumaru warned him, his voice laced with something as dangerous as his talons were.  
  
Finally, feeling completely lost, the monk followed his orders, leaving only the sheath that kept the Air Rip at bay and shivering slightly as the wind seemed to grow harsher.  
  
There was silence for a long time, neither man seeming to know quite what to do, and Miroku realized that he was shaking with something almost akin to fear. Because he loved this person, even though he was a man and definitely wouldn't be of much help in producing an heir. And this person was beautiful, and dedicated, and powerful, and looking at his body unabashedly.  
  
And Miroku did not want to be found lacking.  
  
A long moment later, Sesshoumaru spoke again, though this time his voice sounded very different. "Kiss me," he said quietly, and it was almost, almost possible to call it a request instead of an order.  
  
Miroku did not waste time panicking again, though he would very much have liked to. Instead, he stepped forward and very carefully reached up to brush his mouth over Sesshoumaru's, not daring to do anything more.  
  
The youkai sighed against his lips, his hands coming up to clasp the other's face between them and deepen the kiss, just slightly. Miroku was shaking again as Sesshoumaru slowly pushed him to the ground, following and leaning over him.  
  
Sesshoumaru's robes pooled around them, and Miroku stared up at him, his mind terrified beyond reason and his heart suddenly aching with . . . something. Something . . . Sesshoumaru kissed him again, harshly this time, and Miroku gasped as the older man's delicate fingers expertly traced over his chest and stomach.  
  
He whimpered as the youkai's mouth moved to his throat, partially out of fear and partially out of that something. That needwantlovehatehopehopehope . . .  
  
He was afraid. Sesshoumaru was touching him, and he was too terrified to even enjoy the feeling of another's hands on his body. It had been so long . . .  
  
"Why?" he asked breathlessly.  
  
"You can't hurt me," Sesshoumaru replied simply.  
  
Miroku stopped looking at him then.  
  
  
  
* tbc . . . * 


	3. Getting Along Without the Birds

A/N: There were a couple of complaints last chapter about how quickly Miroku seemed to fall for Sesshoumaru (although love can be screwed up like that), but I am utterly aware that he fell too quickly. Remember, the story's not over yet, kiddos, and patience is a virtue.  
  
  
  
"Getting Along Without the Birds"  
  
  
  
Miroku had not spoken since Sesshoumaru had allowed him to redress last night. He simply couldn't bring himself to. The youkai had humiliated him three times over- first in taking his clothes, second in not even finishing what he had begun, and finally . . .  
  
Miroku looked mournfully at his reflection in the lake, regretfully fingering his loosened hair. He could barely recognize himself without the ponytail. True, he didn't spend that much time looking in mirrors, but it remained an important point to keep himself looking neat, and his hair was messy by nature. He didn't like having a physical example of Sesshoumaru's control to remind him any more than he liked the control.  
  
As it was, the entire situation was absolutely ridiculous. Sesshoumaru must've had some reason to kidnap him, but gods strike him down if he knew. It couldn't be exclusively because Rin needed a nanny, after all. Though he supposed it did make sense- with the Air Rip and his priest's magic, he was certainly strong enough to defend her from whatever enemies they might meet. And everyone knew about his feelings regarding the value of children, so it wasn't like he'd let her be injured, even without Sesshoumaru's threats.  
  
Miroku sighed once and glanced over to Rin, who was splashing in the shallows a few meters away. How this child could be so light-hearted while in a youkai lord's care was beyond him.  
  
Then again, he had little room to talk. His entire group could quite easily be considered as being in Inu-Yasha's care most of the time. And to think- not so long ago, they had been rivals. In fact, it seemed that everyone dear to him he had first met in battle.  
  
He had met Sesshoumaru in battle.  
  
"Rin, not so far out," Miroku cautioned the girl, and she turned to give him a dazzlingly sweet smile.  
  
"But it's nice out here, Houshi-chan!" she chirped, throwing her arms wide open and beaming at him.  
  
"And it's also nice not to drown," the monk replied ruefully, giving her a dubious look and straightening up. Certainly the first time he'd been called "Houshi-CHAN."  
  
Rin pouted. "Come play with Rin!" she begged.  
  
"No. I'll get wet," he said, waving her off.  
  
Rin was unconcerned and offered him another, sulkier pout.  
  
Miroku sighed again and self-consciously ran a hand through the remains of his hair. "Rin-san, I really don't want to," he muttered.  
  
"But Sesshoumaru-sama said you were going to play with Rin!" she complained, returning to shore and tugging on the sleeve of his jacket. He just looked at her.  
  
"Rin-san, these clothes are silk," he said, gesturing to the outfit Jaken had brought him and trying not to reflect too long on whatever had become of the previous owner. "Silk is ruined by water."  
  
"So what?" she demanded. "Sesshoumaru-sama can get you more! Come on, come on!"  
  
"Rin-san, DON'T- " he began, but it was too late, and she dragged him towards the lake. Unwilling to use force against such a small child for fear of hurting her, the monk stumbled and wound up sloshing in with her.  
  
She giggled happily and he surrendered, grinning wickedly and kicking up a huge splash. Rin shrieked in delight as it soaked her and returned the favor. Miroku laughed and she tackled him around the knees. The situation rapidly degenerated into a wrestling match, then further still as Rin discovered that the thick mud beneath them was excellent for throwing. By the time it had ended, both of them were soaked, filthy, and laughing helplessly.  
  
Rin squealed in joy and cuddled up to the monk. "Yaaay, Houshi-chan!" she cheered, laughing again and giving him a peck on the cheek. "See how much fun this is?"  
  
"I do, Rin-chan," he admitted ruefully, the suffix coming to his lips easily and making his young charge's eyes light up.  
  
"You'll like Sesshoumaru-sama, don't worry!" she promised. "He's very nice!"  
  
"I like him fine; but I'd like him quite a bit more if he'd stop treating me like dirt," Miroku replied with an annoyed huff, his mood taking a rapid turn for the worse at the mention of the object of his affection.  
  
Rin shrugged and got to her feet. "Sesshoumaru-sama can't say he likes Rin because the other youkai would be mad," she said, looking a little sad. "Then Sesshoumaru-sama would have to always hide Rin, and Rin couldn't play outside anymore. Maybe Sesshoumaru-sama just wants to be sure that you can still play outside, even if no one is there to watch you."  
  
Miroku sighed for at least the tenth time that day, wishing that the girl were right but certain that she couldn't be. Maybe in some warped god's world, but not here. Not now. Not like this.  
  
Maybe . . . if he had been born a youkai, Sesshoumaru would've at least liked him. But then again, Sesshoumaru hated Inu-Yasha with a passion not unlike the fires of Hell and didn't seem particularly fond of Naraku either, both of who had a hell of a lot more youkai blood than he ever would. So no, that wasn't the way to look at it. Even if Sesshoumaru claimed to hate humans, he kept Rin and cared for her. Maybe she was a pet to him, maybe something more. But if he really loathed all humanity, the girl would be nothing at all- except maybe dinner.  
  
"You feel bad." Rin kneeled in front of him, her large, dark eyes filled with concern. "You don't have to be scared, Houshi-chan- Sesshoumaru-sama won't hurt you. Rin knows he wouldn't."  
  
"He already has," Miroku replied dully, flicking a bit of mud off his cheek.  
  
"Then Rin is sure that Sesshoumaru-sama didn't do it on purpose," the girl declared with all the fierce, unshakable faith of a child.  
  
"Either way, he has defeated me. And that is unforgivable," Miroku said finally, his voice slightly hoarse from grief, and Rin's eyes widened as she saw the pain on his face. She embraced him quickly, but he could not bring himself to return the gesture.  
  
He had been defeated. Beaten hopelessly and irrevocably by something as silly as a glimpse of concern that had been seen only once in fierce, catlike eyes. His revenge was lost to him- there was no one else whose bed he would be able to enter now, and thusly he could have no heir. Strangely, though, that in its own way was a confusing kind of relief.  
  
But this- all this had begun so ridiculously. Miroku could not even recall when it had happened . . . just that it had happened, sometime, one of those many useless battles ago.  
  
He had seen Sesshoumaru, and he had seen Rin, her forehead cut and bleeding heavily. But then he had glanced back and caught Sesshoumaru noticing her. The youkai's eyes had simply . . . died. There was no other way to say it.  
  
And at that moment, his adrenaline pumping and the lives of his much- beloved companions and his own self in the balance, the only thing that Miroku had been able to think was, 'I wish he'd smile.'  
  
"Please don't cry," Rin said worriedly, and only then did the monk realize that he was.  
  
"I don't cry," he said, rather foolishly, and looked away from what he saw as her pity, his eyes widening in surprise at what met them.  
  
Sesshoumaru was watching them from the shore.  
  
And suddenly, without any warning, Miroku was furious. "What do you WANT from me?!" he yelled, glaring through his tears and internally cursing every god there was or had been for letting beautiful, flawless Sesshoumaru see him crying.  
  
The youkai said nothing, his cool expression never wavering.  
  
"Damn you!" Miroku fumed, jumping to his feet and giving up any semblances of control. "You're fucking impossible, do you know that?!"  
  
Still, Sesshoumaru remained silent, even as the monk stormed up to him with murder in his eyes. Rin watched them worriedly but did nothing.  
  
"You're such a jerk!" Miroku shouted; clenching his fists and giving Sesshoumaru the nastiest look he could muster even though he was still crying. "Nothing you do makes any sense at all! You say you hate humans, but you keep Rin with you, and you make me . . . " He trailed off with an aggravated snarl/sob, realizing that it might be a bit too soon to mention anything about the birds and the bees in front of Rin- especially not about how sometimes two bees could get along just dandy without any birds and vice-versa, thank you very much.  
  
Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow just slightly. "You're a mess," he observed. "You ought to take a bath- or least rinse off the mud."  
  
Rin moaned, her face sinking. "But Rin will only get dirty again!" she protested. The youkai just gave her a look, and, pouting, the girl began to do as she was told, seeking out a private place to shuck off her outfit and work the mud out of both it and her skin.  
  
"You too," Sesshoumaru added, glancing over to Miroku. The monk just blinked at him, then buried his face in his hands with an inarticulate growl of outrage.  
  
He bit back a gasp of shock when he felt the other's hands undoing his robes and pulling them off. Miroku only kept the blush off his face from sheer force of will. He looked back up at Sesshoumaru, who was disinterestedly folding his clearly ruined clothes, gods knew why.  
  
The youkai met his gaze, eyes scolding like a parent to a disobedient child, and Miroku silently kneeled in the water, splashing it on his face and hands and watching the mud drip off.  
  
"I don't like you very much sometimes," he muttered sourly as he noticed that Sesshoumaru was still watching him and still unembarrassed to be doing so.  
  
"Hmph." Sesshoumaru shrugged, and Miroku turned back to the lake, disgusted with not only the other, but also himself for expecting any kind of reaction.  
  
As the monk irritatedly dragged a hand through his stubbornly snarling hair, Sesshoumaru knelt behind him, the other only realizing it when he felt the youkai's hands on him. He stiffened in alarm, but Sesshoumaru continued letting his hands wander under the unlikely pretense of helping the other wash off the grime.  
  
Miroku shivered and tried to prevent himself from relaxing into the gentle touch. He jerked away, squeezing his eyes shut and trying desperately to remember how to breathe . . . to forget how beautiful Sesshoumaru was . . . to forget everything but how cruel he knew the other could be . . .  
  
Unfortunately, it didn't work.  
  
So when Sesshoumaru reached for him again, his fingers going everywhere but where Miroku most wanted them, the monk spun around and kissed him.  
  
  
  
* tbc . . . * 


	4. Mortals Flicker And Flash And Fade

A/N: FINALLY I get to this bit! This was originally intended to be the second installment (well, parts of it were, anyway). In case you can't tell, this story has gotten a lot longer than I'd expected it to. -_-;;  
  
  
  
"Mortals Flicker And Flash And Fade"  
  
  
  
Sesshoumaru didn't react to Miroku's kiss in the slightest, just patiently waited it out. As soon as the monk pulled away, his face red with embarrassment, Sesshoumaru turned him around and began to work the snarls out of his hair.  
  
Miroku took a moment to wonder where Sesshoumaru's latest prosthesis had come from, but his thoughts were interrupted by the other's voice.  
  
"Would you like to hear a story?" Sesshoumaru asked him calmly.  
  
"'Kay," Miroku agreed softly, pulling his knees up to his chest.  
  
"Once upon a time, a dog youkai fell in love with a human woman," Sesshoumaru began, his voice grave. "She was beautiful, powerful, and kind, and bore him a pup. He had already had a child by another woman, however- a pureblooded youkai. And this child was very angry with him, because the dog youkai loved his younger child better. And the eldest child was also afraid to befriend the younger, because he knew the hanyou- child was certain to die before he. In the end, however, he did befriend him, and when the hanyou-child grew old and died, the youkai-child threw his still-burning ashes into the sky, and made Sirius, the Dog Star, with his brother's soul, and was thusly never alone."  
  
Miroku furrowed his brow slightly in confusion and glanced back at Sesshoumaru, who was still intent on combing his hair. The parallels (and lack of parallels) between the story and Sesshoumaru and Inu-Yasha were blatantly obvious.  
  
"That is an old legend," Sesshoumaru said after a moment. "Inu-Yasha's mother told me it once, and I thought she had made it up until a few months ago when I heard a woman in a village telling it to Rin."  
  
The monk didn't answer him, too lost in thought to formulate a proper response. Sesshoumaru sighed deeply and pressed a kiss to the back of Miroku's neck, then continued to speak.  
  
"I was never particularly fond of that story for obvious reasons, but it makes a point about immortality," he told Miroku. "It isn't overly pleasant."  
  
"I can't see how immortality could be seen as a bad thing," Miroku retorted, half-consciously looking to his wrapped right hand.  
  
"Only because you have not lived so long as I. But it makes you bitter in the end," Sesshoumaru countered. "And many youkai's greatest fear is not to be killed, but to be left alone with eternity."  
  
"Then I suppose I'll never understand," Miroku replied grimly, flexing his fingers. "This hellhole will swallow me up long before I reach anything even close to old age."  
  
"True," Sesshoumaru remarked, ripping out a particularly vicious snarl. "You must live a very hurried life; trying to fit everything into such a little amount of time."  
  
"Life is not to be 'hurried'," Miroku snapped, and Sesshoumaru smiled very slightly, closing his eyes.  
  
"I have never had to worry about that," he murmured. "The only thing that changes in my life is Rin. It didn't occur to me that she was going to die before I was until recently, which is strange, considering our history together. And you- you will die before her. But that is alright, I suppose, since you can't hurt me."  
  
"You keep saying that," Miroku mumbled, crossing his arms and looking gloomy.  
  
"Yes," Sesshoumaru agreed a little defensively, his fingers brushing against the monk's forehead. Miroku let all his breath out in a surprised huff at the strange sensation- one hand was a clawed youkai's, the other a human's.  
  
"Why?" he asked sourly.  
  
"You don't matter to me," Sesshoumaru explained. "All I know about you is that you have a curse on your right hand and will probably die just around the time Rin is old enough not to get herself into unnecessary trouble."  
  
Miroku fell silent as Sesshoumaru continued to comb out his wet tresses, the last of the mud washing away. The youkai's fingers were deceptively gentle, and he carefully guided Miroku's head down to his lap, leaning over him and thusly surrounding both of them in the silky white curtain of his own hair.  
  
The monk shivered and relaxed into the embrace as the other kept talking about nothing in particular. Sesshoumaru's voice said that he felt nothing for him, but his actions implied otherwise. As if the youkai weren't confusing enough already . . .  
  
He sighed very softly, letting his eyes drift shut and mind wander.  
  
Watching his father die . . . Snatching Kagome and the Shikon Jewel up on her bicycle . . . His long-ago battle with Inu-Yasha . . . Seeing Shippou transform . . . First glimpsing precious Sango, who was beautiful even when she bled . . . Seeing his foster father possessed by an evil youkai . . . Kissing Sesshoumaru.  
  
Miroku's eyes flew open in shock as lightning struck his brain. "I hate my father," he said in amazement. Sesshoumaru's hands went instantly still in his hair.  
  
"Excuse me?" he asked blankly.  
  
"I hate my father," Miroku repeated, clearly surprised at himself. "He knew that he was going to die, but he had me anyway, just to carry on with his damned vengeance. And he didn't love me. He only wanted me around to avenge him and my grandfather."  
  
Sesshoumaru said nothing, but his fingers slowly began to caress Miroku's scalp, and he bent further over, until their faces were only inches apart. Miroku sighed softly as the other's fingers slowly slipped down past his chest, tracing lazy circles on his belly. Without thinking, he let his emotions show in his face.  
  
Sesshoumaru's eyes widened slightly at the expression Miroku wore, and with good reason. His eyes were warm and more open than they had ever been, a deep, sweet violet that promised gentle touches and pleasures in darkness that had previously been unknown to both.  
  
"I . . . don't know your name," Sesshoumaru whispered after the longest silence Miroku had ever experienced. "I never . . . I never heard it."  
  
"It's Miroku," he replied quietly, carefully reaching up to cup the other's face in his hands. Screw permission; screw everything. He just wanted Sesshoumaru.  
  
"We are . . . alike," the youkai said softly, his own hands moving up to grasp Miroku's. "I hate my father very much too . . . but I love him still. And I suppose I love my Rin as much as you would love an heir."  
  
"I don't want to hurt a child the way I was," Miroku muttered, wriggling into a slightly more comfortable position. "Or the way my father was. But at the same time, I want one more than anything. It makes me feel selfish, and petty."  
  
"Love is selfish," Sesshoumaru replied calmly, pulling Miroku's hands away from his face and lowering them to his bare stomach. "It is the most selfish thing there is."  
  
"Yes," Miroku agreed sadly. "I suppose you are correct there."  
  
"Of course I am . . . Oh, and by the way, why haven't you bedded the exterminator?" Sesshoumaru inquired. "The two of you seem to get along well enough. Certainly she would do it, if you asked her in sincerity."  
  
"I couldn't." Miroku shook his head. "I wouldn't want to leave her with no husband and a child doomed to die before she. Sango's lost so much in her life- I can't take away her chance at another family."  
  
"Ah." Sesshoumaru fell silent again.  
  
"Kiss me?" Miroku asked after a brief pause.  
  
"Not right now," Sesshoumaru said distractedly, his claws twirling around the rosary on Miroku's hand. The younger surprised himself by not immediately pulling away.  
  
Sesshoumaru pulled the cursed hand towards him and lightly bit the sheath, his tongue darting out once to ghost over Miroku's fingertips. The monk squirmed slightly, an instinctive nervousness building up in the pit of his stomach.  
  
"I wish you wouldn't do that," he murmured.  
  
"I won't break it," Sesshoumaru assured him, pressing a careful kiss to the knot that kept the sheath fastened, as if to seal his word the same way the void was.  
  
" . . . Okay, then," Miroku said softly. Sesshoumaru flicked his tongue over the nape of the monk's neck, and he sighed gently.  
  
"Kiss me?" Miroku asked again, his voice a little quieter than the last time.  
  
"Later, Miroku," Sesshoumaru promised, and for the first time in his life, the monk shivered at the sound of his own name.  
  
  
  
* tbc . . . * 


	5. Fluffy Tails, Frilly Aprons, and Cute Li...

A/N: Much shorter than usual, I know. It's a transition chapter and a necessary evil. Be strong, my children; there will be shameless fan- service soon!  
  
  
  
"Fluffy Tails, Frilly Aprons, and Cute Little Girls"  
  
  
  
Miroku huffed in surprise at the sight of the palace looming in the distance. He had known Sesshoumaru must live somewhere, of course, but this place was huge; a gigantic and ornate building nestled high up on a forbidding mountain. Surely this couldn't be Sesshoumaru's home.  
  
Then again, why the hell not?  
  
"Aren't you coming?" Rin asked him, and he realized that he had let the other three get ahead of him. All of them were looking at him- Rin with curiosity, Jaken with annoyance, and Sesshoumaru with seemingly no concern at all.  
  
"Hurry up," the pale youkai said emotionlessly.  
  
Miroku shivered slightly, and gasped in shock as Sesshoumaru was suddenly little more than centimeters away. The youkai inspected him carefully for a second; then growled in annoyance.  
  
"You're cold, aren't you," he said angrily. "Idiot, you should've said something- you are of no use if you fall ill."  
  
"I . . . " Miroku gasped again as Sesshoumaru's tail suddenly wrapped around him.  
  
He was so startled that he lost his balance and fell against the other man, and Sesshoumaru himself was so shocked that he let out a little yelp and toppled right over. Jaken looked pained but said nothing. And for one perfect, beautiful, terrible heartbeat, Miroku was on top of Sesshoumaru; their faces scant centimeters apart.  
  
He could see himself in Sesshoumaru's eyes.  
  
The monk practically threw himself off the other, pretending very hard that his face wasn't red and that nothing in the past ten seconds had actually occurred. Sesshoumaru leapt to his feet and began frantically straightening his robes.  
  
"Hey, that's kinda like what Inu-Yasha and his mate do!" Rin piped up. "Ohhhh, is Houshi-chan your mate now, Sesshoumaru-sama? Yaaay, Rin has a daddy!"  
  
Miroku briefly wondered if that was supposed to mean that Sesshoumaru was the "mommy." He quickly banished an interesting vision of the older man making something breakfast-y while wearing one of those frilly pink aprons that Kagome had shown him once. And nothing else . . .  
  
Jaken squawked in horror. "Idiot girl!" he yelled. "As if Lord Sesshoumaru would ever sink so low as to take a human for a lover!"  
  
"Don't yell at Rin-chan," Miroku told the diminutive youkai in a scolding tone. "She'll grow up mean, and then you'll REALLY have problems."  
  
"From a mere human?!" Jaken demanded. "HAH!"  
  
"Remember, that mere human is in fact a mere human GIRL, and she is significantly cuter than you, which can and will be used to her advantage," Miroku pointed out innocently, clasping his hands together as if in prayer. "Ah, how it reminds me of my dear Sango . . . " He wiped away a non- existent tear as Jaken gave him a dubious look and Sesshoumaru began to take on a rather unattractive expression not unlike that an insanely- jealous and overly-territorial dog might wear.  
  
"Yay, Rin is cutest!" Rin cheered, bouncing onto the increasingly pissed- off Jaken.  
  
Sesshoumaru twitched slightly and gave Miroku a suspicious once-over. "You're a bad influence, aren't you," he realized in a tone of doom, crossing his arms.  
  
Miroku gave the youkai the most innocent smile he could muster. "Please. I am but a monk," he replied in an offended tone.  
  
"And I'm a kitty-cat," Sesshoumaru muttered sourly, glaring at him.  
  
"Nyao!" Rin cried happily, throwing her arms up in the air. "Rin wants to be a kitty too, Sesshoumaru-sama!"  
  
Sesshoumaru twitched again and quite calmly scooped Miroku and Rin up, the monk under his real arm and Rin under the prosthesis. "That is quite enough of that," he said calmly, heading towards the castle again with Jaken quickly following.  
  
Miroku flicked the end of Sesshoumaru's tail once, and the youkai gave him a funny look.  
  
"Welcome home," Miroku said simply.  
  
Was it his imagination, or was the great Lord Sesshoumaru . . . blushing?  
  
  
  
* tbc . . . * 


	6. Who Are You Calling ‘Sugar Pie’?

A/N: More story, yay! ^_^v I'm so glad to be getting so many positive reviews for this- it's so much fun for me to write it, especially with all the good feedback coming in.  
  
  
  
"Who Are You Calling 'Sugar Pie'?"  
  
  
  
The room was simple but still elegant, and Miroku sat in middle of it on the end of the futon, idly wishing that it weren't quite so large. It made him feel a bit intimidated, which was probably Sesshoumaru's intent. He sighed very faintly and wished the youkai could go for more than three seconds without contradicting himself.  
  
Humans are worthless; take care of Rin or else. You're just here for Rin; you can't touch me. You mean nothing to me; take off your clothes and kiss me. Kiss me; I don't want to kiss you.  
  
He'd been here for almost three hours and seen nothing else of the palace but a few hallways. Sesshoumaru had sent Jaken to put the still-smug Rin to bed ("Rin is cuter than Jaken, Rin is cuter than Jaken!") and tossed Miroku into this bedroom without a word. Then he'd slunk off and that had been the last the monk had seen of any of them.  
  
"I love you so much," he whispered, drawing his knees to his chest and hugging them. "Please don't disappoint me. Please."  
  
He didn't sense Sesshoumaru's entrance until the other's hands were on his shoulders. He turned to face the youkai lord and found him looking a bit worried.  
  
"What is it?" he asked softly.  
  
"Nothing," Sesshoumaru snapped, worry turning to annoyance. "I'm fine."  
  
Miroku didn't see the point in telling him that he was trembling. Whatever had gone wrong had apparently gone wrong in a very bad way.  
  
"You're certain?" he asked instead, trying not to start trembling himself as Sesshoumaru's fingers slipped into his unbound hair. He really wished it were still pulled back. The youkai's touch was at times frightening.  
  
"Yes," he said coldly, his fingers tightening in Miroku's hair. The monk winced in pain and bit his lip.  
  
"Why are you here?" he inquired, deciding it might be a good idea to change the subject.  
  
"This is my room." Sesshoumaru sounded slightly amused, and Miroku's face instantly turned bright red. Sesshoumaru had put him in HIS bedroom? What was that supposed to MEAN, dammit?!  
  
"Then what am I doing here?" he whispered hoarsely, somewhat afraid of the answer.  
  
"You did want me to kiss you, didn't you?" Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow at him. "That's what you said, at least."  
  
"Yes," Miroku admitted quietly, feeling his blush deepen. Sesshoumaru smirked lazily and pulled the boy forward, pushing his robe down to his elbows. Miroku shivered in anticipation and wished that he were allowed to undress Sesshoumaru the way the man kept undressing HIM.  
  
The youkai quite efficiently deprived the other of his clothes for the third time since they'd met and cupped Miroku's chin in his hand, looking almost thoughtful. "You can't hurt me," he said aloud, almost as if he were stating a condition.  
  
"Okay," Miroku promised quickly. "I won't."  
  
Sesshoumaru's eyes widened slightly and he stared at the monk in shock. "You- You-" he choked out before catching himself and snapping his mouth shut.  
  
"Me. Me," Miroku mocked softly, slipping up against the taller man and bringing their heads just a breath apart. "You worry too much, sugar pie," he scolded gently.  
  
" . . . You did NOT just call me that," Sesshoumaru said finally, giving the monk a very weird look.  
  
"And if I did?" Miroku asked mischievously, emboldened by Sesshoumaru's disbelief.  
  
"You . . . you really can't hurt me," he muttered.  
  
Miroku pushed him back on the futon. "I wouldn't anyway."  
  
"I'm serious!" Sesshoumaru snapped. "I won't let you get at me the way that- that woman got at of my father! I simply won't allow it!"  
  
"So I've heard," Miroku replied dryly. "Now are you going to kiss me or do I have to start undressing you?"  
  
Sesshoumaru sputtered in sheer outrage and jerked back upright. "Of all the nerve- you idiotic monk!" he snarled.  
  
"I do like sweet talk, sugar pie," Miroku said with a sly smile.  
  
Sesshoumaru just gaped at him for a moment, then finally shrieked: "I am NOT your 'sugar pie', you worthless human!"  
  
"Hmph," Miroku sniffed. "Says you."  
  
"Why you little . . . " Sesshoumaru growled, trailing off when he couldn't think of a suitably crushing insult to finish off his sentence. "I could always eat you, you know."  
  
"Would you really?" Miroku asked innocently, blinking at him and putting a finger to his lips. "Oh my, how very naughty."  
  
"Oh, shut up," Sesshoumaru grumbled.  
  
"I'd like to see you make me, sugar," Miroku challenged, smirking cockily at his so-called master and crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
And the great Lord Sesshoumaru, who absolutely refused to be one-upped by a human no matter what the situation might be, leaned forward and kissed him as hard as he could.  
  
  
  
* tbc . . . * 


	7. Truth Hurts, As Does Violent Strangulati...

A/N: Hmm, Madness seems to think that this story has evolved into a light fluff piece . . . *evil grin* Well, while I am terribly, terribly pleased to be liked as much as chocolate, that's my cue to get really started with the serious storyline now, children. And cue the villainous types . . .  
  
  
  
"Truth Hurts, As Does Violent Strangulation"  
  
  
  
Miroku absolutely melted at the slowly-becoming familiar feeling of Sesshoumaru's lips on his own and purred deep in his throat, returning his kiss with an almost ferocious eagerness and jotting down a mental note to himself: Evil guys are very good with their mouths.  
  
"So beautiful . . ." he murmured half-consciously, wrapping his arms around Sesshoumaru's neck and deepening the kiss, and shivering as the youkai growled almost possessively, wrapping his tail around them. God, he loved that tail.  
  
Sesshoumaru sighed against his mouth, pulling back and regarding him with serious eyes. Miroku felt annoyingly like pouting but didn't protest, seeing as he'd already been pushing it quite a bit tonight, and Sesshoumaru still had those poison talons in one hand, after all.  
  
He let the youkai push him down onto the bed; let him trail his fingers down lower on his body than anyone had for a long time but still not far enough. And oh, it was so wonderful and so, so horrible, and every moment of it made him feel like he was betraying his friends and yet happier than he'd been since the day that the Kazaana had first opened up in his hand. He wanted so badly to be touching Sesshoumaru in return, but the other man pushed his hands away when he tried.  
  
Again, Sesshoumaru drew back and stared at him, his eyes glittering with something that Miroku simply could not place. He silently spread his arms, leaving them open in a wordless invitation as the youkai inspected him for the umpteenth time.  
  
And, in what anyone else Miroku would've seen as an almost a hesitant way, Sesshoumaru shucked off his breastplate and lowered himself down on top of the monk, his eyes bright like polished amber and then some. Miroku shivered at the sudden weight, instinctively curling in on himself and inadvertently drawing the older man closer to him; closing his eyes to revel in the strangely protected feeling that had descended on him with the youkai.  
  
It was strange, being naked underneath someone who was wearing an excess of clothes if anything, but Miroku wouldn't have traded it for Naraku's head on a silver platter . . . well, probably not, anyway.  
  
At the moment, though, he had other things to think of. Like how very, very nice this felt, and how Sesshoumaru was nuzzling his neck, and how there was a vaguely familiar aura approaching the room, and-  
  
Miroku gasped in alarm, and Sesshoumaru was instantly alert, his tail bristling and eyes narrow.  
  
"Naraku," they hissed in unison, both with venom and perhaps just a trace of something that could be considered fear, if lacking a better term.  
  
Sure enough, one of the hanyou's many golems appeared at the doorway, smiling rather viciously. "Oh my," he commented. "What a surprise to find you here, Miroku. And in such an interesting position, too! Whatever does dear Inu-Yasha think of this?"  
  
Miroku flinched at the thought of what said hanyou's reaction to his feelings for his brother would be, and said brother growled and tensed, not moving from the monk's side but clearly ready to attack and eliminate with extreme and violent prejudice.  
  
"So hostile," Naraku sighed with false regret. "Really, you ought to work on your people skills- the two of you are quite possibly the least social creatures I know."  
  
"And why would I care what you thought of me?" Sesshoumaru demanded harshly, giving the fur-clad man a disgusted look.  
  
Naraku simply shrugged and smiled. "My, you're in quite a mood today. I never knew that you disliked me this much," he remarked with false innocence. "Or perhaps you're just overprotective of your little human whore? I understand that it does run in the family . . . "  
  
Sesshoumaru jerked back like he'd been slapped, instantly jumping to his feet and away from Miroku, who winced at the look of disgust on the other's face.  
  
"How dare you even SUGGEST that!" the youkai spat, hackles rising.  
  
"Now, now." Naraku held up his hands in a pacifying gesture. "No need to get so touchy, is there? Unless, of course, it IS true."  
  
"I would never lower myself to such a degree!" Sesshoumaru barked  
  
Naraku only smiled again. "Strange, it looked like you were quite eager to do so before I came in," he remarked offhandedly.  
  
Miroku looked uncertainly from one to the other. This was not going to end well for him, no matter who came out the victor. Naraku was obviously the less-pleasant alternative, but that didn't mean that the so beautiful Sesshoumaru was necessarily going to be much better. The youkai wasn't stupid enough to be manipulated by lies, so Naraku had used the one thing that couldn't be seen through- the truth, albeit the truth phrased in the bluntest, nastiest way possible.  
  
Miroku automatically grasped at his right hand and wheezed in shock as Naraku's arm shot out an impossible distance to pin him to the wall by his neck and cut off his air supply.  
  
"None of that, now, my dear friend," Naraku scolded, wagging a finger at him. "No fun if I have to kill you off, is it? Well, not for you, at least."  
  
And Sesshoumaru cracked his knuckles.  
  
  
  
* tbc . . . * 


	8. Difficult Like the Monk

A/N: Never try to write angsty, dramatic yaoi while reading humorous shounen ai. Especially not humorous and fluffy shounen ai that involves cross-dressing Gundam pilots and Heero Yuy on a caffeine high. _  
  
  
  
"Difficult Like the Monk"  
  
  
  
Miroku was not a very happy person at the moment.  
  
He wasn't wearing anything more than a blanket, his throat ached, and Sesshoumaru the beautiful bastard was ignoring him in favor of the ceiling while Jaken patched them both up and Rin stared around what was left of the bedroom with wide eyes.  
  
Confused? Well, think hard- a nasty ex-brigand attacks a sexy but sweet youth with nifty magic powers; of course this cues the bishounen, and the end result is clear. Evil hanyou + slightly less evil youkai = one kick- ass fight scene, and obviously the heroic bishounen wins, no matter how evil he is in his off hours. His own nifty powers, decades of experience, and utter lack of mercy are really only footnotes at this point.  
  
Also obviously, Jaken and Rin had come to check on them after all the noise, but "Naraku" was gone; the golem sliced in half by Sesshoumaru's sword after a brief, vicious scuffle. However, the memory of his words was still there, and it left the air hanging heavy with tension like ozone does in the brief moment before the lightning strikes.  
  
"Houshi-chan," Rin said worriedly, but Miroku couldn't bring himself to look at her any more than he could stop trembling. Facing an enemy like that, unarmed and naked, completely at his mercy . . . with Sesshoumaru, that had held an alluring undertone. With Naraku, it was just terrifying.  
  
His shudders intensified, and Rin began to look truly afraid. Miroku wanted to reassure her, but he was too dizzy to stand. Instead, he pulled the blanket tighter around himself to fend off the cold that suddenly seemed to be everywhere.  
  
Silence fell over the room as Jaken finished cleaning the blood from Miroku's injured neck, and in the end, it was again Rin who spoke.  
  
"Houshi-chan is sick," she said very calmly, and if it had been possible, it seemed the heartbeats of the room's occupants had all stopped, such was the oppressiveness of the quiet that surrounded them.  
  
"I- I am not!" Miroku snapped, irrationally angry with the child, who just met his eyes with uncharacteristic seriousness.  
  
Sesshoumaru said nothing, only put a hand to the boy's face and inspected him carefully. Miroku tried to twist away, not wanting to be considered anything like weak by the other, but obviously to no avail.  
  
"He is in shock," Sesshoumaru murmured finally, wrapping the blanket tighter. Miroku tried to twist away again, and Sesshoumaru just tightened his grip. "Be still," he ordered.  
  
"Let me go!" Miroku cried, and was horrified to find his voice cracking. Sesshoumaru growled and glared at him, easily pushing the monk down on the futon.  
  
"Leave us," he ordered Jaken. "And put Rin back to bed."  
  
"But-!" Rin began, her eyes widening.  
  
"Now," Sesshoumaru hissed, and the girl, chastened, followed Jaken out. He turned his attention to Miroku, who was now shaking with not only cold but also traces of fear.  
  
How could he so easily forget, every time, that Sesshoumaru was his enemy?  
  
The door slid shut, and Sesshoumaru's glare darkened. "Damn you," he growled, tightening his grip even more so and thoroughly frightening Miroku without even trying. "Are you alright?"  
  
"Wh-what?" Miroku stammered, and Sesshoumaru pulled him to his chest.  
  
"Are you alright?" the youkai repeated, wrapping his tail around them both and tangling his fingers in Miroku's hair. He looked something suspiciously close to concerned.  
  
"I . . . yes," Miroku replied hesitantly, and Sesshoumaru buried his face in the monk's hair.  
  
"Good," he muttered, then pushed the other man away.  
  
"You're okay too, right?" Miroku asked softly after a moment of uncomfortable silence.  
  
"Of course," Sesshoumaru said equally softly, meeting his eyes.  
  
And oh, how Miroku ached . . .  
  
He shivered and drew the blanket a little closer around himself. Then he looked at Sesshoumaru again and changed his mind.  
  
"Do . . . you want . . . ?" Miroku trailed off, simply lowering the blanket to his waist and letting the picture be the thousand words he could never get out. Or maybe just the three little ones . . .  
  
"Do I want what?" Sesshoumaru asked quietly, pushing his own hair out of his eyes.  
  
"Me," the monk finished, his voice soft.  
  
Sesshoumaru looked pained. "Yes," he said. "I don't know why, really . . . but I do. It was so much easier to fight before you. To hate humans; to hate my brother and his friends . . . it was all so much easier before the existence of you."  
  
" . . . Okay then." Miroku blushed slightly, letting the blanket drop for good. Sesshoumaru paused for a moment, his large, luminous eyes widening slightly, and something almost like a blush crossing his face as well.  
  
"This is the first time you've let me see you naked," he murmured, the blush darkening just slightly. And then he began to unfasten his robes.  
  
Miroku's breath hitched in his throat, and he swallowed hard as his heartbeat sped up.  
  
"Sesshoumaru . . . " he whispered.  
  
The youkai glanced up to smirk at him. "What? Not 'sugar pie' anymore?" he asked playfully, shrugging his yukata off his shoulders.  
  
Miroku's current doki doki rate: 150%.  
  
Sesshoumaru slunk forward in a way that made Miroku feel delightfully like he was being stalked, pinning the monk in place with his then-some amber eyes as he whispered, "Mine. You're mine. My pet, my servant . . ." Then he paused again, and his eyes glittered. "My mate."  
  
Shocked at the word, Miroku half-stumbled, falling into Sesshoumaru's arms as easily as he breathed and clutching tight to the older man's shoulders with a faint gasp.  
  
"And gods damn whatever anyone else has to say," Sesshoumaru muttered fiercely, hugging the monk as harshly as he could without hurting him. "I am afraid I understand my father and brother's 'weaknesses' now."  
  
"I . . . I . . . " Miroku stammered, suddenly even more frightened then before.  
  
"Don't hurt me," Sesshoumaru pleaded in a voice that could not possibly have made him sound less like himself.  
  
"I won't," Miroku murmured, returning the embrace and pressing himself up under the youkai's chin.  
  
A gentle smile, and Sesshoumaru was kissing him. And it was so sweet, and so strange- chaste and passionate at the same time, and so, so lonely, even though they were together. Miroku was crying, and he didn't even know why.  
  
But just as the pair got onto the bed and began to deal with what was left of Sesshoumaru's robes, the door slid open and something whacked Miroku upside the head. He yelped in pain, breaking off, and the other man blinked in surprise.  
  
"Jaken?" the lord asked, startled enough not to immediately smite his servant.  
  
"That hurt!" Miroku snapped at the man from Sesshoumaru's lap. "Can't you keep that stupid staff to yourself for fifteen minutes?"  
  
The smaller youkai gave the pair a truly pained look. "M'Lord Sesshoumaru," he said with a sigh, "something's a-brewin'. You might want to take a peek outside, eh?"  
  
Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed and he instantly got to his feet, displacing poor Miroku with an almighty thud and no apology whatsoever, thusly assuring that even if the "something" turned out to be nothing, he wouldn't be getting any tonight.  
  
Miroku growled in frustration, finally yanking his yukata back on and glaring after the two youkai as they rushed toward the door. "Bastard," he muttered.  
  
"Just stay here and wait," Sesshoumaru ordered, waving the monk back towards the futon.  
  
"Like hell I will!" Miroku huffed.  
  
Sesshoumaru stopped and spun around, planting his hands on both of Miroku's shoulders and shoving him backwards. "I said, STAY," he snapped sourly.  
  
"Idiot!" Miroku fumed. "At least tell me what's going-"  
  
There was a sudden explosion from outside, and Miroku yelped in surprise as Sesshoumaru grabbed him by the hair and yanked him out into the hallway, joining Jaken at the window.  
  
A voice called out from the castle grounds as a small group of people appeared from the swirling dust permeating the courtyard. "Houshi-sama! Houshi-sama, are you there?!"  
  
Miroku's face went pale with shock as Sesshoumaru's arms suddenly tightened around him.  
  
"Sango," he whispered. The others had come for him.  
  
He stared up at Sesshoumaru in fear, unable to hide his worry for what the youkai might do to his friends. Sesshoumaru met his eyes for an instant but looked away almost immediately.  
  
"Everything was so much easier," he muttered, "before the existence of you."  
  
  
  
* tbc . . . *  
  
  
  
. : j00 mu57 c1]ck 7h3 bu77on : . 


	9. He's An Immature, Loathsome, Stupid Man ...

A/N: Well, I've gotten my first-ever flame. Apparently, I should be shot, though I find it terribly amusing that said flamer seems to think I've never watched the show- mostly because I haven't. I am a manga girl, what can I say? ^_^ But Kobura Doragon and Jestrix? You can HAVE her.  
  
Anyway, strangely enough, that flame actually INSPIRED me to write. Behold the longness of the chappie (seven pages, whoo!) and go figure. Eh.  
  
And for VampireGoddessJekyll's sake, "doki doki" is the sound of a heartbeat. So doki doki rate is basically just the same thing as heart rate.  
  
  
  
"He's An Immature, Loathsome, Stupid Man . . . God, How I Miss Him"  
  
  
  
Dark . . . it was dark . . .  
  
"Miroku!"  
  
He couldn't see anything, and his head was aching.  
  
"Miroku-sama!"  
  
What had happened?  
  
"Houshi-sama, please! Wake up!"  
  
The last thing he remembered . . .  
  
"Miroku, you damned bozou! Get UP!"  
  
. . . was . . .  
  
A hand grabbed the front of his yukata, and Miroku's own eyes snapped open to meet a pair of angry amber ones.  
  
"Sesshou . . . maru?" he asked weakly, disoriented for a moment. Inu-Yasha snorted and pushed him away.  
  
"You're safe," Kagome reassured him. "He's not here."  
  
"What . . . happened?" Miroku asked softly, mentally wondering if it had all just been a dream. Oh, God, he hoped not. Or did he hope SO? He wasn't really certain anymore.  
  
"Um . . . " Sango just shoved his staff at him, suddenly blushing.  
  
"The idiot here was so eager to save you that she knocked a wall in on your head while the rest of us were fighting my bastard of a brother," Inu-Yasha informed him bluntly.  
  
"OSUWARI!" Kagome yelled, then gave a sheepish smile to Miroku even as Inu- Yasha was slammed down into said monk's lap. "Oops . . . "  
  
"So you ladies both love me enough to kill me, is that it?" Miroku wheezed dryly as he tried to regain his breath. Inu-Yasha growled and struggled to yank himself up, but was forced to remain content with his position on Miroku's stomach when the prayer beads decided that they liked it down there. Well, Sesshoumaru had, so why shouldn't they?  
  
"God dammit, bitch!" Inu-Yasha yelled, and was promptly "sat" again, much to both his and the now twice-squished Miroku's displeasure.  
  
"Surely I haven't groped you THAT often, Kagome-sama," Miroku grumbled somewhat less good-naturedly than before.  
  
"I'm sorry, Miroku-sama, I'm so sorry!" she said quickly, grinning guiltily at them. "I keep forgetting that you're there."  
  
"Not too swift, as ever," Inu-Yasha growled, and Kagome twitched in annoyance.  
  
"OSUWA-!"  
  
"Kagome-chan, NO!" Sango yelped as she and Shippou simultaneously clapped their hands over Kagome's mouth and Kirara pounced on her. "At least wait until Houshi-sama can get out from under him!"  
  
"This really sucks," Inu-Yasha bit out, glaring balefully down at Miroku, who suddenly got a horrible, terrible, no-good, very bad idea. Or at least Inu-Yasha would think so.  
  
"Oh, but I'm so comfy!" Miroku chirped. "You needn't fuss so, Inu-Yasha! Enjoy the situation!" And, rather shamelessly, he pinched the hanyou's butt.  
  
Inu-Yasha was instantly up a tree. "That is NOT funny!" he half-shrieked.  
  
"I didn't know you were like THAT, Miroku-sama," Kagome said, suddenly looking at him with newfound appreciation and an evil, evil idea for a yaoi doujinshi that was just WAITING to be drawn . . . ahem.  
  
"It tends to be a passing fancy," the monk replied dryly, getting to his feet.  
  
"What does?" Shippou wondered, obviously missing a few vital clues.  
  
"Miroku, you- you PERVERT!" Inu-Yasha fumed, still not leaving the safety of the tree.  
  
Sango automatically whapped said pervert with her Boomerang Bone. "Houshi- sama, how dare you go around molesting everything you get your hands on!" she yelled. "Have you no decency?!"  
  
"Sango, please." Miroku looked offended. "I am a monk."  
  
The exterminator just growled and turned her back on him in a huff, pulling Kirara into her arms. "You're horrible!" she exclaimed. "You'd jump anything, wouldn't you?!"  
  
"Hmm, possibly," Miroku admitted thoughtfully, unable to hide the slightly wistful tone in his voice as he thought of Sesshoumaru.  
  
"Then it seems Inu-Yasha's brother is the one we rescued from YOU," Sango grumbled, and Kagome and Shippou both laughed at the thought while Miroku only wished it were true.  
  
Inu-Yasha snorted and finally dropped down from the tree. "If we could get really get you in bed with Sesshoumaru, it would solve two of our worst problems- your libido and his general desire to leave us all in varying stages of death," he muttered darkly.  
  
"I missed you too," Miroku retorted dryly.  
  
"It is an interesting proposition," Myouga murmured, and for the first time they all noticed the flea on Kagome's shoulder.  
  
"When did you get here?!" the archer demanded in surprise.  
  
"Wait, let me guess- right AFTER we got out of Sesshoumaru's territory, correct?" Inu-Yasha interrupted with a glare.  
  
Myouga gave him a wounded look. "Such distrust!" he complained. "I was simply reflecting that your idea was not wholly improbable. Your father, gods rest his soul, was certainly a far sight easier to deal with once he got in with your mother. If you really could get Sesshoumaru to fall in love with someone, especially one of this group, you could gain an undeniably powerful ally against Naraku."  
  
"Old man, are you insane?!" Inu-Yasha yelled. "I wasn't SERIOUS!"  
  
"That would be cruel, anyway," Miroku found himself adding. "Trying to manipulate him like that- what happens if we succeeded and then defeated Naraku? He'd be expecting to have a mate to stay with him, and the 'mate' would be expecting to end the charade. Either way, someone would suffer dreadfully in such a situation."  
  
"That's right. Besides, it isn't like we could just snap our fingers and make him fall for one of us anyway," Sango put in with a nasty look for the flea youkai.  
  
"Even if we could, I wouldn't do that to anyone- not even Sesshoumaru," Inu- Yasha said quietly, folding his arms inside his fire-rat jacket. Miroku was relieved to hear the sentiment.  
  
"Inu-Yasha . . . " Kagome gave him a brief concerned look. "You wouldn't really want us to do something so awful to Sesshoumaru, would you?" she asked Myouga, looking very disappointed in him.  
  
"Er, of course not," Myouga lied.  
  
"Jerk," Miroku mumbled, flicking the flea away.  
  
"What else is new?" Inu-Yasha said sourly, catching the youkai and squishing him between his fingers a bit harder than usual.  
  
"So . . . what now?" Miroku asked after a moment.  
  
Sango gave him an odd look. "Go back to collecting shards, of course," she replied. "What else?"  
  
Miroku paused again, and finally said: "I want to have a child."  
  
"What else is new?" Shippou asked flatly.  
  
"Well, I know that I can't now," Miroku told him.  
  
The others looked at him in shock. "WHAAAT?!" they shrieked.  
  
"I . . . don't want to make a child feel the way I do about my father," Miroku confessed quietly. "I wish I could have one anyway, but I really can't bear the thought of doing that to them."  
  
"So, you won't have a child because . . . ?" Kagome gave him an odd look.  
  
"Because I hate my father, but despite everything, I want to know him more than anything else in the world," he explained. "So I could at least know how to hate him properly."  
  
"Houshi-sama . . . " Sango looked concerned.  
  
"I'm quitting," Miroku announced, getting to his feet and stretching. "Shikon be damned, I'm quitting this quest and getting a life."  
  
The others just stared at him.  
  
"But . . . why?" Sango asked finally in a small voice.  
  
"Because I love you, Sango," Miroku answered honestly. "And if I stay, I don't trust myself to stay away from you. And also because this curse has given me no chance for anything resembling a normal life, and I want to try my hand at one."  
  
"Wh . . . what?" Sango rasped, her eyes snapping wide open.  
  
"Miroku-sama, you're leaving?!" Kagome cried in dismay.  
  
"Feh," Inu-Yasha sneered. "Do as you want."  
  
"Inu-Yasha!" The others looked horrified by his statement.  
  
"He doesn't mean it," Kagome said quickly.  
  
"Why would I say something I didn't mean?" he demanded, glaring at her.  
  
"Because you're a bastard!" she yelled, clenching her fists.  
  
"Or because he knows well enough to let me choose my own life," Miroku said quietly. "Naraku WANTS me to chase him, remember? He wants me to have a child, and he wants that child to share my fate as my father and grandfather did, because he loves to see others suffer. If I have no child, my bloodline's pain will end with me."  
  
"But . . . your revenge . . . " Sango began weakly.  
  
"Let the gods take it," Miroku retorted. "I've lived for it for so long; I need to learn how to do things for my own sake, and not my family's ghosts."  
  
"What did Sesshoumaru SAY to you?" Shippou marveled.  
  
Miroku smiled slightly and tried not to blush. "Oh . . . this and that," he said dismissively, waving the question off with his un-cursed hand.  
  
" . . . Where will you go?" Sango asked quietly.  
  
The monk paused to think, and a truly amazed look came into his eyes. "I have no idea," he said, unable to keep his grin in check. "Isn't that wonderful?"  
  
"We'll see you again," Inu-Yasha promised calmly, holding out a hand.  
  
Miroku grinned again and grasped it. "Of course. You think I'd let you get away that easily?" he asked in amusement. "But for now . . . Point me towards your brother's place?"  
  
"A day's walk to the west," Inu-Yasha replied simply. "What are you going to do?"  
  
"I'm not sure," Miroku confessed. "I suppose that I'll find that out when I get there, won't I?"  
  
"Houshi-sama . . . Miroku . . . " Sango said tearfully, suddenly hugging him harshly. "I'll miss you, you damned pervert," she muttered into his yukata.  
  
"Miroku-sama!" Kagome cried and she and Shippou rushed into the embrace as well.  
  
"Don't go!" the kitsune pleaded. "What'll we do without you?"  
  
"Well, I imagine you'll have to pay for your night's lodging," Miroku replied in amusement.  
  
"Oi, don't remind me," Inu-Yasha muttered, wincing at the thought.  
  
"OSUWARI!" Kagome shrieked, then burst into tears and hugged the monk even harder. "Oh, I'm going to miss you so MUCH, Miroku-sama!" she sobbed. "I can't even remember what it was like before you joined the group!"  
  
"You better come back someday!" Sango said fiercely. "Don't you dare go dying before the rest of us, Miroku! We'll beat Naraku for you, and cure you of that hellhole!"  
  
"Thank you, Sango," he said with a faint smile. "I will come back, I promise."  
  
"Good," she sniffed. "No point in losing a perfectly good friend over something so silly, right?"  
  
"Right," he agreed, now unable to stop smiling.  
  
"I love you, you idiot!" Sango yelled, then quickly pulled back, blushing furiously and glaring at him.  
  
"I love you too, Sango," Miroku replied gravely. "I'm sorry I can't stay with you."  
  
"It's okay," she sighed. "I never expected you to be able to anyway."  
  
"You're both idiots," Inu-Yasha said exasperatedly from the ground.  
  
"Stop ruining Sango and Miroku's romantic moment!" Kagome yelled over her shoulder.  
  
"Yeah, you insensitive bastard!" Shippou put in. "Let them have a proper lovers' goodbye!"  
  
And in a terrible, terrible pun, Sango turned cherry red and whapped the child with her Boomerang Bone. "Just what do you think we ARE?!" she shrieked.  
  
"I never got a proper goodbye from Kikyou, and yet, miraculously, we survived!" Inu-Yasha snapped, prying the still crying Kagome and Shippou off of Miroku and booting the monk across the clearing. "So get going if you're gonna go, bozou!"  
  
"OSUWARI!" Kagome bellowed, and the dog-boy ate dirt.  
  
"I wouldn't call it 'surviving' when one of you is currently trapped in a life-sized puppet made of bones and graveyard dirt and the other was recently resurrected after spending fifty years attached to a tree," Shippou mumbled darkly. Inu-Yasha gave him a look that promised severe pain later, which might've been more threatening from a standing position.  
  
Sango hugged Miroku once more and he gave them all a lazy smirk. "Bye."  
  
"Whatever," Inu-Yasha snorted, turning around and throwing a half-salute back to Miroku as he left the clearing. "See ya around, bozou."  
  
"Inu-Yasha, wait for us!" Shippou yelled, darting after the hanyou and only pausing to wave goodbye to Miroku.  
  
"Inu-Yasha, you're such a jerk," Kagome growled; then quickly gave the monk a hug. "I'll see you soon, okay?" He nodded and smiled at her.  
  
Sango sighed deeply as Kagome and Myouga both headed after the others, Kirara already gone with Shippou. Miroku gave her a smile as well, and she kissed his cheek.  
  
"Do you really love me?" Sango asked seriously, curling into his arms.  
  
"I do," he admitted with a slightly guilty chuckle.  
  
"Then I don't mind that you love someone else too," she decided. Miroku blinked in surprise at her perceptiveness. "But if it falls through with whoever you're going after, you'd damn well better come back for me."  
  
"Like I wouldn't." He chuckled and returned the kiss. "Goodbye, Sango."  
  
She smirked. "Goodbye, Miroku. Have fun with . . . well, whoever it is."  
  
"Please." He clapped his right hand to his chest in mock offense. "Sango, I am a monk."  
  
"Oh? THEN GET YOUR HAND OFF MY ASS!"  
  
  
  
* tbc . . . *  
  
  
  
A/N: And for anyone who didn't get the "cherry red" pun, Miroku's name can be translated as either "deranged monk" or "cherry." Thusly the pun. I am so clever, no?  
  
Yes, there is an undeniable amount of Sango x Miroku in this chapter. What can I say? I am an S x M fan period, no matter who the "S" is. ^_^  
  
  
  
. : review and thou shalt receive sexy yaoi fluff : . 


	10. Eyeshadow Is For Ukes

A/N: And at last, the epilogue. *sighs* I will miss it.  
  
  
  
"Eyeshadow Is For Ukes"  
  
  
  
Miroku craned his head back and gave the remains of the courtyard gate a baleful look. It appeared that the Tetsusaiga had gotten some good use in again. The thing was little more than hinges and splinters.  
  
"Houshi-chan . . . ?" a hopeful voice asked, and he looked back down, finding Rin before him.  
  
"Hello, Rin-chan," he said simply, giving her a happy smile.  
  
The girl leapt straight into his arms with a cry of delight. "You came back!" she cheered. "Rin was so afraid you wouldn't!"  
  
"Well, I did. So there." Miroku stuck his tongue out at her and the girl giggled. "Where's Sesshoumaru-sama?"  
  
"Rin's Sesshoumaru-sama went to his room," Rin informed him. "He was very upset about the mess and that his otouto-chan stole you without him noticing until it was too late. But you are Sesshoumaru-sama's mate only, right? Not at all for his otouto-chan."  
  
"Right," Miroku agreed warmly, pulling the girl up on his hip and starting towards the palace itself, which was sporting a few new "doors" but for the most part undamaged.  
  
Jaken was leaning against the front door, slightly bruised and half-dozing. He cracked an eye open at their approach and grunted. "About time you got back, monk," he muttered, then yawned and returned to his nap.  
  
"You know you missed me, old man," Miroku teased, lightly tapping his own staff against the other's.  
  
Jaken just snorted and waved him off. "Go play with m'lord and keep me out of your warped affections," he ordered, still not opening his eyes.  
  
"Whatever you say, Jaken," the monk chuckled, and left Rin with the youkai to go inside and do as he'd been told. It definitely wasn't an order he had any trouble following.  
  
He padded down the hall, careful to avoid the debris on the floor, and found himself at Sesshoumaru's bedroom door almost too soon- yet at the same time, not soon enough. It was ajar, and he peered in, eyes widening at the mess. It looked as if some had let a wild dog loose . . . in . . . oh. Duh, Miroku.  
  
Sesshoumaru kneeled on the futon, his head in his remaining hand and kimono's sleeves shredded, dried blood caking the stump that had been his prosthesis.  
  
"Fool . . . " he hissed at himself. "Gods damned FOOL . . . You should've been stronger . . . " The youkai made a noise that almost might've been a sob and slammed his fist through the floor.  
  
"Hey, sugar pie," Miroku greeted with a lazy grin. "Miss me?"  
  
Judging by the speed with which Sesshoumaru tackled him, he had indeed.  
  
"You . . . came back," Sesshoumaru rasped, sounding like he didn't even believe himself.  
  
"Yeah, I kinda already knew that," Miroku replied, his grin widening.  
  
Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed. "Bastard. I thought you'd run away."  
  
"You kidding?" Miroku gave him a dubious look. "After all the sexual tension I went through because of you, I'm not going anywhere until I get laid at least once!"  
  
"I could arrange that . . . " Sesshoumaru breathed into the monk's ear.  
  
"About damned time!" he yelled. "You've been torturing me with this for days now!"  
  
"But I'm all dirty," Sesshoumaru pouted- yes, pouted. "Maybe we should go take a bath . . . ?" Then-some amber eyes gleamed with a combination of mischief and seductive light.  
  
Miroku gave him a thoughtful look. "Only if I'm on top."  
  
"Whaaat?!" Sesshoumaru squawked, practically falling over.  
  
"I wanna be seme!" Miroku insisted, pouting in a very un-semelike way. Sesshoumaru twitched.  
  
"Who's the lord here?!"  
  
"I absolutely refuse to believe that you can possibly be anything but uke with that much make-up on."  
  
" . . . you did NOT just go there."  
  
  
  
* ende *  
  
  
  
End Notes: Well, it's done. *sniffles* I really will miss this story- it was terribly fun to write. But it's at least twice as long as I'd originally planned, and I'm happy with it as it is, so I really think it's best to end here. Thanks to all my reviewers- it's because of you this story went for so long!  
  
One last thing- there IS another Miroku x Sesshoumaru fic I've been thinking about writing. Anybody wanna see it?  
  
  
  
. : make me a happy author. review the mad l33t story : . 


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